Q: In India, we have only postmen, but no postwomen, why?
A: Because, they take 9 months for delivery.
A tragic love story:
A Pig fell in love with a Hen. One day they kissed each other. The next day the Pig died of Bird Flu and the Hen died of Swine Flu.
Ajab Prem ki Gajab Kahani!
Annoyed husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Annoyed husband: For you and your parents.
When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.
Why should only I suffer?
A man was lost alone on an island. He decides to build a wooden boat. Suddenly a girl came there and the man used the wood for making a bed.
Moral- Situations can change ur aim !
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary and private secretary?
Ans: Secretary says "Good morning sir."
Private secretary says, "It`s morning sir!"
The winning horse does not know why it runs the race; it runs because of the whipping given by the rider. Life is a race and God, the rider. If you are in pain then think God wants you to win.
Why are American names like Jackson, Wilson, Markson, Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davison, Jemson?
So that mom can remember who is whose son.
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
2 hours later
Santa smses boss: Me OK, your wife very sweet.
Santa: I was stuck in ELEVATOR for three hours. Due to electric failure.
Banta: I was worse off. I was stuck on ESCALATOR for five hours.
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Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Award winning poem
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Interesting Ads Free smile for the day
Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.
Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading .
My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.
Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'
Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.
Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.
Sign in a shop corner introducing new products:
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.
Sign in a Hospital ward:
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber's Saloon:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough
Or Else They Will Never Be.
Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlour Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother!
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.
Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading .
My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.
Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'
Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.
Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.
Sign in a shop corner introducing new products:
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.
Sign in a Hospital ward:
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber's Saloon:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough
Or Else They Will Never Be.
Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlour Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Miss communication
Free smile for the day http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/
Mr.Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have
a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can't tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs. Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad
Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"
"Yes...... speaking"
AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"
" Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...! ... I am following orders.... I have to inform
you are overdue"
"I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ....
he will speak to your company tomorrow "
That night, she tells her husband about the Call, and he, mad as a bull,
rushes to AEC office the next day morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing
serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
Mr.Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have
a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can't tell anybody."
The next day, Mrs. Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad
Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"
"Yes...... speaking"
AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"
" Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...! ... I am following orders.... I have to inform
you are overdue"
"I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ....
he will speak to your company tomorrow "
That night, she tells her husband about the Call, and he, mad as a bull,
rushes to AEC office the next day morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing
serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sometimes, some of life's most difficult questions have a very simple
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage
anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single
conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had
gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known
"happy going marriage".
Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this
possible? "
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We had been to Shimla
for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally,
we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding
seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly,
making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she
patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time.". She again
climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it
happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your
second time" and hopped back on the horse and continued riding. When the horse dropped her third time, she
silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor
animal. Are you crazy?"
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"
Husband: "Well, that's it. We are happy ever after."
anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single
conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had
gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known
"happy going marriage".
Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this
possible? "
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We had been to Shimla
for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally,
we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding
seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly,
making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she
patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time.". She again
climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it
happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your
second time" and hopped back on the horse and continued riding. When the horse dropped her third time, she
silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor
animal. Are you crazy?"
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"
Husband: "Well, that's it. We are happy ever after."
Don't Lie to Your Mother
Free smile for the day ! http://http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/
Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl
room mate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been
suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made
her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate
than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, 'I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, 'Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You
don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Kumar said ,'Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'
So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the
fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.
Love, Kumar
A few days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she
was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by
now
under the pillow...
Love,
Mom.
Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...... .....
Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl
room mate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been
suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made
her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate
than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, 'I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, 'Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You
don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Kumar said ,'Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'
So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the
fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.
Love, Kumar
A few days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she
was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by
now
under the pillow...
Love,
Mom.
Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...... .....
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Reading News paper A Good Habit
As a daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.
Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "
"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next
Generation', understand?".
That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.
Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".
Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"
Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "
"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next
Generation', understand?".
That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.
Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".
Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"
Friday, May 15, 2009
EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS.
Free Smile for the day http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/
EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS.
Ques: We know that 2/10=0.2
but
Prove that 2/10=2
Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".
but
Engineering Students replied:
2=two,
10=ten.
therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.
w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.
therefore
w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19
Therefore wo/en=38/19=2.
Hence Proved
FOR, Engineers “ It doesn’t matter ans what ever it is, they say ans should come right."
EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS.
Ques: We know that 2/10=0.2
but
Prove that 2/10=2
Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".
but
Engineering Students replied:
2=two,
10=ten.
therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.
w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.
therefore
w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19
Therefore wo/en=38/19=2.
Hence Proved
FOR, Engineers “ It doesn’t matter ans what ever it is, they say ans should come right."
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Some sardar special Free smile for the day
1) A Sardarji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why? He said: 'SMILE PLEASE'
2) 1 Bhoot Ne dusre Se Kaha- Kitni Ajeeb Baat Hai Na, Ladke Marne Ke Baad Bhoot Ban Jate Hain Aur Ladkiya? ? ? Chudel Ki Chudel Hi Rehti Hai...
3) 1Sardar- mene apni BV ko 12th pass karvaya, fir B.A fir M.A aur uski govt.Job b lagva di, Ab or kya karu yar................... 2 Sardar- Ab acha sa ladka dekhkar shadi kar de.
4) 2girls r sitting at computer.1st:"Isn't it amazing that dis little instrument dos d job of 10 men....2nd:"But I still prefer men."
5) A Sardar son at college wanted more money. He sent a telegram to his father "NO MONEY NO FUN. UR SON "The father replied: "HOW SAD, TOO BAD, UR DAD!
6) A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya....
7) A time cums in your life when your wife begins 2 trust u. It doesn’t mean u have become a Saint! It simply means u have lost your hunting abilities...!
8) Angry man sent a note to his father in law "UR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS" smart father in law replies "WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE...
9) "Santa Ji, agar aapki biwi ko Bhoot chipk jai to aap kya kroge?" Banta Ji -" Maine kya krna Hai, galti Bhoot ki Hai, khud bhugtega...!
10) Biwiyan Apne Admi ko "A G" kyun bolti hain? Kyunki Biwiyan sabhya hoti hain. Kyunki bhare Bazaar me "Abe Gandu"(A G) kehna sabhyta nai hoti.
2) 1 Bhoot Ne dusre Se Kaha- Kitni Ajeeb Baat Hai Na, Ladke Marne Ke Baad Bhoot Ban Jate Hain Aur Ladkiya? ? ? Chudel Ki Chudel Hi Rehti Hai...
3) 1Sardar- mene apni BV ko 12th pass karvaya, fir B.A fir M.A aur uski govt.Job b lagva di, Ab or kya karu yar................... 2 Sardar- Ab acha sa ladka dekhkar shadi kar de.
4) 2girls r sitting at computer.1st:"Isn't it amazing that dis little instrument dos d job of 10 men....2nd:"But I still prefer men."
5) A Sardar son at college wanted more money. He sent a telegram to his father "NO MONEY NO FUN. UR SON "The father replied: "HOW SAD, TOO BAD, UR DAD!
6) A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya....
7) A time cums in your life when your wife begins 2 trust u. It doesn’t mean u have become a Saint! It simply means u have lost your hunting abilities...!
8) Angry man sent a note to his father in law "UR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS" smart father in law replies "WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE...
9) "Santa Ji, agar aapki biwi ko Bhoot chipk jai to aap kya kroge?" Banta Ji -" Maine kya krna Hai, galti Bhoot ki Hai, khud bhugtega...!
10) Biwiyan Apne Admi ko "A G" kyun bolti hain? Kyunki Biwiyan sabhya hoti hain. Kyunki bhare Bazaar me "Abe Gandu"(A G) kehna sabhyta nai hoti.
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