Wife jokes

I like a girlfriend who can stand erect amongst
tens of people but not the one seeing whom tens of people get erection


============

One man more wives

Case for more than one wife

Monopoly of one wife is always harmful
and
Competition improves the sex service


============
A Wife was praying to Lord

Oh Lord
Give me Wisdom to understand my Husband
Give me Love to forgive him
Give me Patience to tolerate his moods

But Lord dear be kind not to give me
physical strength so that I may kill that insane Bastard

Innocent child

Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye . After a while his
teacher got worried and asked him about it.

Jabu's answer was:"Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mother and my
father, we sleep on the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and
he slaps my face and gives me a
Black eye.

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep
dead quiet and don't answer".

The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the
teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But
The day after that Jabu comes back with a severe black eye again."My
goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"

He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you sleeping?... And I
shut up and kept dead still. Then my father
And my mother started moving {you know} at the same time Mom was breathing
erratically, kicking her legs up frantically
And squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"...

Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?' Then my mom says, 'Yes
I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my
Dad answered 'Yes'. They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said
'Wait' for me!!!!!!!

Funny Doctor Joke

A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."

"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Ole, how was your day?"

Ole told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."

"Bravo, Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts, "HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years !! "

"Ole, Vat did you do?" asks the doctor.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"I put drops in her eyes!!"

.

U thought I was sending a dirty joke!!!!

Farmer Joke

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.

"So what happened then?" the man asked.

The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."

The man laughed and said, "Again?"

The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.

"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."

"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."

"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "So, what did you do?" the man asked.

"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...

Some things you just can't explain."

Funny Indian Jokes

1. A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and
asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your
own sister"

2. What is cyclone? It is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle:)

3. Innocent kid handling his breakup ... Main tumhe bhulne ki bahut
koshish karta hun, par kya karun mummmy roj BAADAAM khila deti hai. Aur muje
tumhaari YAAD fir see aa jaati hai

4. Pintu was having habit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent
him to Ramdev Baba for treatment..... . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of
his legs..

5. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut.
Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u
will come out at once"

6. What is the height of flirting? When your love letter starts with . .
. . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"

7. Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne
kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo"

8. Dada (Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa. Pota (Grand Son): Mai nai
laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun 2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada
g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. ... .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.

9. World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any wool? .. ... .. .
sheep: NO, get lost.

10. Gin : Kya huqum hai mere Aaka ? Aaka: Mere account me 10
crore rupiye aur katrina se shaadi 10 sec me karwa do. Jinn: Aaaka, huqum
karo...bakwaas mat karo !!!

11. Police: Oye, carparking ki jagah bike kyu park ki hai? Man: just
smiled and said "sirf do pahiyon ka farak hai UNCLE, aa jayenge

12. Ek dukhi aadmi bola: Aisi zindagi se toh maut achhey. Achanak yamdoot
aya aur bola : Tumhaari jaan lene ka huqum hai. Aadmi: lo kar lo baat, ab
insaan majaak b nai kar sakta.

13. A poor man of U.P catches a fish but can't cook due to No gas No
electricity No Oil Man puts fish back in to river. Fish comes up and shout
"Mayaavati zindabaad

14. A desi London k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english
word bhool gaya Waiter: What would you like to have sir ? Desi: 1 plate
Egg's mother!

15. Pathan Ladki se: I Love you ! Ladki:Tameez se baat karo Pathan:
Bismilllah Hir rehman Nir Reheeem, with due respect I beg to say that "I Love
you".

16. Gabbar : ye hath muje de de Thakur. Frustrated Thakur : Le le, mere
bhi le le, Kalia ke bhi le le, Basanti k bhi le le.Jai or veeru ke bhi le le
aur DURGA MATA ban ja.

17. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota.. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar
bola shahjahan ka pota. "Aaj apna bhi bank balance hota agar dada aashiq na
hota".

18. Galib ne GF ko date par bulaaya aur wo late aayi. GF: sorry, I am late.
Galib: Falak pe chand sitaaron ko neend aa rahey hai, doossri ka time ho
gaya aur tu ab aa rahi hai.

19. Ek bachha door bell bajaane ki koshish kar raha tha. Ek old man ne
dekha aur bell baja di.Aur bachhe se bola: Aur kuch beta? Bachha: Ab bhaago.

Funny Jokes Morning

Q: In India, we have only postmen, but no postwomen, why?
A: Because, they take 9 months for delivery.


A tragic love story:
A Pig fell in love with a Hen. One day they kissed each other. The next day the Pig died of Bird Flu and the Hen died of Swine Flu.
Ajab Prem ki Gajab Kahani!


Annoyed husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Annoyed husband: For you and your parents.


When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.
Why should only I suffer?


A man was lost alone on an island. He decides to build a wooden boat. Suddenly a girl came there and the man used the wood for making a bed.
Moral- Situations can change ur aim !


Q: What is the difference b/w secretary and private secretary?
Ans: Secretary says "Good morning sir."
Private secretary says, "It`s morning sir!"



The winning horse does not know why it runs the race; it runs because of the whipping given by the rider. Life is a race and God, the rider. If you are in pain then think God wants you to win.


Why are American names like Jackson, Wilson, Markson, Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davison, Jemson?
So that mom can remember who is whose son.


Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
2 hours later
Santa smses boss: Me OK, your wife very sweet.


Santa: I was stuck in ELEVATOR for three hours. Due to electric failure.
Banta: I was worse off. I was stuck on ESCALATOR for five hours.

Award winning poem

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime

Interesting Ads Free smile for the day

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale ... Cheap ... no strings attached.


Ad In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!


Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.


When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading .


My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ...
He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.


You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick! Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.


Sign In A Bar:
'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance.'


Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.


Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.


The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.


Sign in a shop corner introducing new products:
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.


Sign in a Hospital ward:
Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep Alone.


The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.


Sign At A Barber's Saloon:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.


A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough
Or Else They Will Never Be.


Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.


Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlour Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here.
She May Be Your Grandmother!

Miss communication

Free smile for the day http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

Mr.Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have
a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we
can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad
Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"
"Yes...... speaking"
AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .

"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"
" Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "

" GOD !!!!!!......... this is too much.........."
"Madam, I am sorry...! ... I am following orders.... I have to inform
you are overdue"
"I know that ....... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ....
he will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the Call, and he, mad as a bull,
rushes to AEC office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.


"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing
serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.


"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Sometimes, some of life's most difficult questions have a very simple

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage
anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single
conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had
gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known
"happy going marriage".

Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this
possible? "
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We had been to Shimla
for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally,
we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding
seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly,
making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she
patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time.". She again
climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it
happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your
second time" and hopped back on the horse and continued riding. When the horse dropped her third time, she
silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!


I shouted at my wife: "What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor
animal. Are you crazy?"

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"

Husband: "Well, that's it. We are happy ever after."

Don't Lie to Your Mother

Free smile for the day ! http://http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl
room mate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been
suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made
her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate
than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, 'I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, 'Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You
don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Kumar said ,'Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.'

So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the
fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.

Love, Kumar

A few days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she
was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by
now
under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.



Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...... .....

Reading News paper A Good Habit

As a daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, " Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System' ? "

"It's like..." father said while thinking, "See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'. You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next
Generation', understand?".

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, " Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the 'Governance System'? ".

Pintu replied, "Yeah Dad, I understood! When Money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"

EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS.

Free Smile for the day  http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

EXCLUSIVELY FOR ENGINEERING STUDENTS.

Ques: We know that 2/10=0.2

but

Prove that 2/10=2

Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".

but

Engineering Students replied:

2=two,
10=ten.

therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.

w=23,
o=15,

e=5,
n=14.

therefore

w+o=23+15=38

&

e+n=5+14=19

Therefore wo/en=38/19=2.

Hence Proved

FOR, Engineers “ It doesn’t matter ans what ever it is, they say ans should come right."

Some sardar special Free smile for the day

1) A Sardarji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why? He said: 'SMILE PLEASE'


2) 1 Bhoot Ne dusre Se Kaha- Kitni Ajeeb Baat Hai Na, Ladke Marne Ke Baad Bhoot Ban Jate Hain Aur Ladkiya? ? ? Chudel Ki Chudel Hi Rehti Hai...

3) 1Sardar- mene apni BV ko 12th pass karvaya, fir B.A fir M.A aur uski govt.Job b lagva di, Ab or kya karu yar................... 2 Sardar- Ab acha sa ladka dekhkar shadi kar de.

4) 2girls r sitting at computer.1st:"Isn't it amazing that dis little instrument dos d job of 10 men....2nd:"But I still prefer men."

5) A Sardar son at college wanted more money. He sent a telegram to his father "NO MONEY NO FUN. UR SON "The father replied: "HOW SAD, TOO BAD, UR DAD!

6) A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao. Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya....

7) A time cums in your life when your wife begins 2 trust u. It doesn’t mean u have become a Saint! It simply means u have lost your hunting abilities...!

8) Angry man sent a note to his father in law "UR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS" smart father in law replies "WARRANTY EXPIRED, MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE...

9) "Santa Ji, agar aapki biwi ko Bhoot chipk jai to aap kya kroge?" Banta Ji -" Maine kya krna Hai, galti Bhoot ki Hai, khud bhugtega...!

10) Biwiyan Apne Admi ko "A G" kyun bolti hain? Kyunki Biwiyan sabhya hoti hain. Kyunki bhare Bazaar me "Abe Gandu"(A G) kehna sabhyta nai hoti.

Boy & Girl smile for the day

"Consoles" her
But when a boy cries ---------- Come on man don't be A "Girl"

If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl ------------ -- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"

If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"
If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"

If a Girl meets with accident ------------ -------- Then its "mistake of others"
If a Boy meets with same accident ------------ Bloody you "don't know how to Drive"..

Singh Smile for the day

Free smile for the day  http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

Boss: Where were you born?
Singh: Punjab ...
Boss: which part?
Singh: Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab .

Singh were fixing a bomb in a car.
Singh 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Singh 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Singh: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Singh: Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

Singh joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Singh: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one...

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is all India Radio!

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child


Free smile for the day http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

Banta Theory smile for the day

Free smile for the day  http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

Banta's theory : Moon is more impt. than Sun, coz it gives light at

night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!

Banta and Santa are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the

other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says
YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...

Babta shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage

and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....

Banta and Santa looking at Egyptian mummy.

Banta : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Santa : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

Free smile for the day http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

WOW Jokes

Free smile for the day  http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

Philosophy of life

At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD ,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!


What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams...!

Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper:
Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl:
That's good, Give me 12 of them..!

After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! "
Applicant:
What is it?
Interviewer:
Its called the "door..!"


A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us

Free smile for the day http://freesmilefortheday.blogspot.com/

cool smile for the day

An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:

"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

"Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And
the other loves too many, "

"Employee:

Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS:
Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..! "

humour smile for the day

Groom's Father; I like your daughter, she is all rounder. I must admit, my son also all rounder¡¬¡¬ except¡¬¡¬ when he laugh¡¬¡¬ looks like a Dracula because of long teeth.

Bride's Father; No problem, I guess, your son will not have much time to laugh after marriage.



Wife; Pls tell your friend not to marry Sunita coz she is like a dazzalni.
Husband; no way, he didn't tell me anything ¨C when I got married.


Sardarjee 1; Sorry to hear yaar, your wife left with the driver.
Sardarjee 2; don't worry ¨C I can drive.


Publisher; Your handwriting too bad, can't u type and bring your script.
Writer; If I knew typing ¨C I wouldn't be writing.


1st guardian; I need to see the dictionary to read my son's writing.
2nd guardian; u r lucky, I need to see the bank passbook.


In Panjab engineers planed to make a swimming complex including 3 swimming pools, 1 for cold water, 1 for hot water and another empty for non-swimmers.