I like a girlfriend who can stand erect amongst
tens of people but not the one seeing whom tens of people get erection
============
One man more wives
Case for more than one wife
Monopoly of one wife is always harmful
and
Competition improves the sex service
============
A Wife was praying to Lord
Oh Lord
Give me Wisdom to understand my Husband
Give me Love to forgive him
Give me Patience to tolerate his moods
But Lord dear be kind not to give me
physical strength so that I may kill that insane Bastard
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Thursday, November 4, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Innocent child
Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye . After a while his
teacher got worried and asked him about it.
Jabu's answer was:"Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mother and my
father, we sleep on the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and
he slaps my face and gives me a
Black eye.
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep
dead quiet and don't answer".
The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the
teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But
The day after that Jabu comes back with a severe black eye again."My
goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you sleeping?... And I
shut up and kept dead still. Then my father
And my mother started moving {you know} at the same time Mom was breathing
erratically, kicking her legs up frantically
And squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"...
Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?' Then my mom says, 'Yes
I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my
Dad answered 'Yes'. They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said
'Wait' for me!!!!!!!
teacher got worried and asked him about it.
Jabu's answer was:"Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mother and my
father, we sleep on the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and
he slaps my face and gives me a
Black eye.
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep
dead quiet and don't answer".
The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the
teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But
The day after that Jabu comes back with a severe black eye again."My
goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again, 'Jabu are you sleeping?... And I
shut up and kept dead still. Then my father
And my mother started moving {you know} at the same time Mom was breathing
erratically, kicking her legs up frantically
And squealing like a demented hyena on the bed"...
Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?' Then my mom says, 'Yes
I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my
Dad answered 'Yes'. They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said
'Wait' for me!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Funny Doctor Joke
A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. "Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients."
"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Ole, how was your day?"
Ole told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo, Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts, "HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years !! "
"Ole, Vat did you do?" asks the doctor.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I put drops in her eyes!!"
.
U thought I was sending a dirty joke!!!!
"Yes, sir!" answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Ole, how was your day?"
Ole told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL."
"Bravo, Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir," says Ole.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts, "HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in over two years !! "
"Ole, Vat did you do?" asks the doctor.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I put drops in her eyes!!"
.
U thought I was sending a dirty joke!!!!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Farmer Joke
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
Some things you just can't explain."
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."
"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied.
"So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?"
The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...
Some things you just can't explain."
Monday, October 25, 2010
Funny Indian Jokes
1. A small boy opens the door and looks at his sister's boy friend and
asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your
own sister"
2. What is cyclone? It is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle:)
3. Innocent kid handling his breakup ... Main tumhe bhulne ki bahut
koshish karta hun, par kya karun mummmy roj BAADAAM khila deti hai. Aur muje
tumhaari YAAD fir see aa jaati hai
4. Pintu was having habit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent
him to Ramdev Baba for treatment..... . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of
his legs..
5. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut.
Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u
will come out at once"
6. What is the height of flirting? When your love letter starts with . .
. . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"
7. Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne
kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo"
8. Dada (Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa. Pota (Grand Son): Mai nai
laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun 2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada
g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. ... .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.
9. World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any wool? .. ... .. .
sheep: NO, get lost.
10. Gin : Kya huqum hai mere Aaka ? Aaka: Mere account me 10
crore rupiye aur katrina se shaadi 10 sec me karwa do. Jinn: Aaaka, huqum
karo...bakwaas mat karo !!!
11. Police: Oye, carparking ki jagah bike kyu park ki hai? Man: just
smiled and said "sirf do pahiyon ka farak hai UNCLE, aa jayenge
12. Ek dukhi aadmi bola: Aisi zindagi se toh maut achhey. Achanak yamdoot
aya aur bola : Tumhaari jaan lene ka huqum hai. Aadmi: lo kar lo baat, ab
insaan majaak b nai kar sakta.
13. A poor man of U.P catches a fish but can't cook due to No gas No
electricity No Oil Man puts fish back in to river. Fish comes up and shout
"Mayaavati zindabaad
14. A desi London k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english
word bhool gaya Waiter: What would you like to have sir ? Desi: 1 plate
Egg's mother!
15. Pathan Ladki se: I Love you ! Ladki:Tameez se baat karo Pathan:
Bismilllah Hir rehman Nir Reheeem, with due respect I beg to say that "I Love
you".
16. Gabbar : ye hath muje de de Thakur. Frustrated Thakur : Le le, mere
bhi le le, Kalia ke bhi le le, Basanti k bhi le le.Jai or veeru ke bhi le le
aur DURGA MATA ban ja.
17. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota.. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar
bola shahjahan ka pota. "Aaj apna bhi bank balance hota agar dada aashiq na
hota".
18. Galib ne GF ko date par bulaaya aur wo late aayi. GF: sorry, I am late.
Galib: Falak pe chand sitaaron ko neend aa rahey hai, doossri ka time ho
gaya aur tu ab aa rahi hai.
19. Ek bachha door bell bajaane ki koshish kar raha tha. Ek old man ne
dekha aur bell baja di.Aur bachhe se bola: Aur kuch beta? Bachha: Ab bhaago.
asks innocently "Every day you come to meet my sister , don't you have your
own sister"
2. What is cyclone? It is a smallest loan given by bank to buy a cycle:)
3. Innocent kid handling his breakup ... Main tumhe bhulne ki bahut
koshish karta hun, par kya karun mummmy roj BAADAAM khila deti hai. Aur muje
tumhaari YAAD fir see aa jaati hai
4. Pintu was having habit of eating nails of his hand, His parents sent
him to Ramdev Baba for treatment..... . . . Now Pintu can also eat nails of
his legs..
5. Teeth said 2 Tongue " If I just press u little hard, you will get cut.
Tongue replied: "If I misuse 1 word against some1, then all the 32 of u
will come out at once"
6. What is the height of flirting? When your love letter starts with . .
. . " TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN"
7. Ek aadmi ka ye sun kar heart fail ho gaya jab uski kaam waali bai ne
kaha Saahab "Orkut pe muje b add kar lo"
8. Dada (Grand Father): Beta ja paani le aa. Pota (Grand Son): Mai nai
laa sakta, mai game khel raha hun 2nd Pota (Second grand son): Rahne do dada
g, ye to hai he BADATMEEZ.... ... .. ... .. .. Ap khud he ja k le aao.
9. World's shortest poem.. Baba black sheep have u any wool? .. ... .. .
sheep: NO, get lost.
10. Gin : Kya huqum hai mere Aaka ? Aaka: Mere account me 10
crore rupiye aur katrina se shaadi 10 sec me karwa do. Jinn: Aaaka, huqum
karo...bakwaas mat karo !!!
11. Police: Oye, carparking ki jagah bike kyu park ki hai? Man: just
smiled and said "sirf do pahiyon ka farak hai UNCLE, aa jayenge
12. Ek dukhi aadmi bola: Aisi zindagi se toh maut achhey. Achanak yamdoot
aya aur bola : Tumhaari jaan lene ka huqum hai. Aadmi: lo kar lo baat, ab
insaan majaak b nai kar sakta.
13. A poor man of U.P catches a fish but can't cook due to No gas No
electricity No Oil Man puts fish back in to river. Fish comes up and shout
"Mayaavati zindabaad
14. A desi London k ek hotel me murgi khaane gaya lekin murgi ka english
word bhool gaya Waiter: What would you like to have sir ? Desi: 1 plate
Egg's mother!
15. Pathan Ladki se: I Love you ! Ladki:Tameez se baat karo Pathan:
Bismilllah Hir rehman Nir Reheeem, with due respect I beg to say that "I Love
you".
16. Gabbar : ye hath muje de de Thakur. Frustrated Thakur : Le le, mere
bhi le le, Kalia ke bhi le le, Basanti k bhi le le.Jai or veeru ke bhi le le
aur DURGA MATA ban ja.
17. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar bola shahjahan ka pota.. Taj Mahal ko dekh kar
bola shahjahan ka pota. "Aaj apna bhi bank balance hota agar dada aashiq na
hota".
18. Galib ne GF ko date par bulaaya aur wo late aayi. GF: sorry, I am late.
Galib: Falak pe chand sitaaron ko neend aa rahey hai, doossri ka time ho
gaya aur tu ab aa rahi hai.
19. Ek bachha door bell bajaane ki koshish kar raha tha. Ek old man ne
dekha aur bell baja di.Aur bachhe se bola: Aur kuch beta? Bachha: Ab bhaago.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Funny Jokes Morning
Q: In India, we have only postmen, but no postwomen, why?
A: Because, they take 9 months for delivery.
A tragic love story:
A Pig fell in love with a Hen. One day they kissed each other. The next day the Pig died of Bird Flu and the Hen died of Swine Flu.
Ajab Prem ki Gajab Kahani!
Annoyed husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Annoyed husband: For you and your parents.
When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.
Why should only I suffer?
A man was lost alone on an island. He decides to build a wooden boat. Suddenly a girl came there and the man used the wood for making a bed.
Moral- Situations can change ur aim !
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary and private secretary?
Ans: Secretary says "Good morning sir."
Private secretary says, "It`s morning sir!"
The winning horse does not know why it runs the race; it runs because of the whipping given by the rider. Life is a race and God, the rider. If you are in pain then think God wants you to win.
Why are American names like Jackson, Wilson, Markson, Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davison, Jemson?
So that mom can remember who is whose son.
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
2 hours later
Santa smses boss: Me OK, your wife very sweet.
Santa: I was stuck in ELEVATOR for three hours. Due to electric failure.
Banta: I was worse off. I was stuck on ESCALATOR for five hours.
A: Because, they take 9 months for delivery.
A tragic love story:
A Pig fell in love with a Hen. One day they kissed each other. The next day the Pig died of Bird Flu and the Hen died of Swine Flu.
Ajab Prem ki Gajab Kahani!
Annoyed husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Annoyed husband: For you and your parents.
When I open my eyes every morning I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.
Why should only I suffer?
A man was lost alone on an island. He decides to build a wooden boat. Suddenly a girl came there and the man used the wood for making a bed.
Moral- Situations can change ur aim !
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary and private secretary?
Ans: Secretary says "Good morning sir."
Private secretary says, "It`s morning sir!"
The winning horse does not know why it runs the race; it runs because of the whipping given by the rider. Life is a race and God, the rider. If you are in pain then think God wants you to win.
Why are American names like Jackson, Wilson, Markson, Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davison, Jemson?
So that mom can remember who is whose son.
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
2 hours later
Santa smses boss: Me OK, your wife very sweet.
Santa: I was stuck in ELEVATOR for three hours. Due to electric failure.
Banta: I was worse off. I was stuck on ESCALATOR for five hours.
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